Phobia-schmobia

I've never been terribly afraid of the unknown. I don't worry or fret about things that are beyond my control, but I like to be prepared for the things that are within it. I'm not afraid to fail, or of disappointing other people; I figure everyone fails and disappoints at some time or another. I'm not afraid of thunderstorms, scary movies don't bother me, and I rarely have nightmares. I'm not afraid to be alone - I eat out by myself, go to the movies by myself, drive long distances by myself, and I actually relish the time since I don't have to be "on" for anyone else; I can just be.

Things I am afraid of:

• I am afraid of falling on stairs, both up or down. And not just falling on stairs, but also hitting my front teeth and knocking them loose as I fall. I am actually less concerned with the thought of breaking any bones than I am about the possibility that I might fall on a stair step, mouth open, and knock out my teeth.


• I am afraid of spiders, although I have had to learn to get over it since I moved out of my parent's home. Nobody but me kills them at my house, and I have to kill them. There's no other option. I am NOT going to wake up one morning to find a big, hairy spider sitting on the pillow next to me. My weapon of choice is a can of brake cleaner. I don't know what's in the stuff, and I don't use it around the animals, but it certainly can kill a spider.


• I am afraid of leaving this job. I've been here for so long that the thought of looking for something different is almost paralyzing. I'm not opposed to doing something completely different, but it gives me the heebie-jeebies to imagine learning new things, meeting new people.


• I am afraid of getting dumber. When I was a kid, I was one of the smartest kids I knew. I'm not bragging here (okay, maybe a little) when I tell you that I taught myself to read at the age of 3, or that I always read books that were several levels above the recommended books for my age. I excelled in all academic subjects, and even graduated high school early. Outside of academics, I was able to have intelligent conversation with deep thinkers, and I could actually write halfway decent essays. I think there must be some kind of smart-time continuum, much like there is a space-time continuum, where your brain may be more advanced but at some time, the two lines intersect and you become dumb. At least I think it's the space-time continuum I want to reference here. Could be the flux capacitor. See, I used to know this, but now I'm dumber!